Ahh muack muacks muacks!!! I'm back to mah baby~~~
Haven't come on my blog for some time now... So many things to write, so many things to say!
Wish I had the time to scream it all here... But studies come first more than anything else.
23 more days to the prelims.. Hell. I feel like cutting my throat and letting the blood spurt out in all directions... No more me, no more prelims, no more Os. That would be peace.
Been listening to Bleach songs as of late. Alones is a very sweet song ^^ just like Sen no Yoru wo Koete~ But SnYwK packs more punch and is lifting.
But now, the song represents not what I lost, but what I found.
So many unreciprocated feelings... all blown away by the winds of change. How many in the past 1 and a 1/2 years? About 3. One was pure misunderstanding, pure folly on my part... the other a blind swipe in the darkness, hoping to light the rusted torch... the last one? A burst of joy yet confusion from within... yet, yet, that was the only one I don't regret til this day. At the Metamorphosis concert, our eyes met again since a very long time. I smiled, and with a little hesitation, he smiled back. Perhaps that's all I wanted to see, nothing more. Maybe I didn't want what I sought after before the song.
What about feelings reciprocated?
His eyes are the only ones I'd gaze into til my head goes dizzy... *dreamy*
Sometimes, I wonder if it's because I've got a taste for younger guys (somehow) that drew me to my beau. Sometimes I feel I'm dating a lil boy, who hasn't quite grown out of computer games and cards. Yet there is an air which I can't quite describe in him, that makes his form so different altogether. Perhaps that is why I don't mind at all. He can understand my priorities, which I feel most guys these days wouldn't understand. His gestures are saccharine, yet his every move leaves one bewildered (think he'll decapitate me if he sees this xD) It's strange how fate twists and winds so unnervingly, giving you all the unexpected things in life. But I'm pretty happy with what fate has given me, as if the prices I'd paid in the past were all worth it.
Sigh...
Had been slacking for the past few days. Sleep, is something I need so badly, yet the only time I can relish it is in the dead of the night. The hours lit by daylight are strictly for work and play, no naps, no nothing. And yet, the rest I get never seems to be a good one. My mind tousled in mind-wrecking thoughts, provoking images which makes one's blood curdle (technically, blood can't curdle. Its bound by thrombin as it gets into contact with the air... does it?)
Ahh anyway... where was I?
The bonds I once had, I now try to mend. The illusory that shrouded the first now dispelled, with my own mind. The other, though torch no longer lit, I cast away thy fire... The last? A story with a beginning, but no visible end. Where is the end? I see his yearning, so similar to mine, yet unlike mine. I wish I could take a step in and guide him through.. When I was hovering in the darkness, no one could lead me.. Now I do not want to see anyone fall into the ultimate trap; of oneself. But we're of different worlds, one of the land, and one of the ocean. Whence can they meet?
But it doesn't matter... I've come to love the open blue sky =)
My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!
Jobichi~san whacked you at 5:26:00 PM
