Ah.
Hi.
Thanks for clicking the link that led you to this blog... Now it is whether you can bear to read its contents. This blog has been labelled 'cheam' by most people whom I know
(therefore highlighting their incompetency in the English language... hehehehehe xD no I'm just joking, don't pelt me with rotten veggies.. *splat!*)
Each entry in this blog are like pieces of my disillusioned self... Good luck to the one who dares brave into uncharted territory... the chasms of my mind.
I know you don't like what you see. Yes... I hear your displeasure already... See the red button on the top right hand corner? Yes that. The one with the little 'x'... Click that...
And for those who wish to stay, Arigato gozaimasu~! Please tag... ^^
Use the hearts on the left to navigate =)
Disclaimer
Moi pathetic self
Cheeryl Tan (a.k.a. JoBiChI~sAn ^^)
Currently 16. And VERY screwed up.
Libra
October 17th xD
Year of the Goat
Blood type B+ (tasty, because blood all around is...)
(Did I mention that I play with blood?)
Super-sensitive to the sun (vampire mah~)(never want to see the sun again...)
Die hard anime and manga fan! And dying for it...
Future Manga Artist.. I'll tell my stories to the world!
Obsession with... MUSHROOMS... <3
Choir!
Love science... All branches of it... But....
Love to sing
Love writing poems n songs
Love to draw
Loves the power of 'cheaminology' >_< Love writing LoOoOoOoOonnnggggg compos...
Love... A beautiful reality! <3
Where is the love?
Morbid and emo-ing... Again.
Wonders about Life
Counsellor! But can't even help myself...
Dreams of making own universes... While attempting to withdraw into my own...
Contorted in millions of philosophies
Japanese bands ROCK!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
NOW PLAYING:
Just click on it. It won't kill you.
Currently 16. And VERY screwed up.
Libra
October 17th xD
Year of the Goat
Blood type B+ (tasty, because blood all around is...)
(Did I mention that I play with blood?)
Super-sensitive to the sun (vampire mah~)(never want to see the sun again...)
Die hard anime and manga fan! And dying for it...
Future Manga Artist.. I'll tell my stories to the world!
Obsession with... MUSHROOMS... <3
Choir!
Love science... All branches of it... But....
Love to sing
Love writing poems n songs
Love to draw
Loves the power of 'cheaminology' >_< Love writing LoOoOoOoOonnnggggg compos...
Love... A beautiful reality! <3
Where is the love?
Morbid and emo-ing... Again.
Wonders about Life
Counsellor! But can't even help myself...
Dreams of making own universes... While attempting to withdraw into my own...
Contorted in millions of philosophies
Japanese bands ROCK!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
NOW PLAYING:
Just click on it. It won't kill you.
The archives
25 August 2007
After such a long while... Only a short post for today T-T
Yesterday(or today?) I stayed up for 23hours.. Slept at 10 on thursday night and woke up at 4.25 to continue my geography revision.. And made a big cup of coffee >_< Then I only slept at about 3+ last night.. Whoa!
Was staying up writing my diary. Dug up my old diary(actually, it's placed on a shelf just above my bed..) and read its dusty contents. Wrote a 28-page long post! Those wee hours were the hours I relished by relooking at my life, tracing back the steps I took as I walk the unfamiliar path now..
But I realised that I'd grown at an alarming rate. One year, made a whole lot of difference. Add things up, the past 3years and 8months have done so much to shape my character that it is today. From a tomboyish girl with severe oddities and bouts of depression, to a young lady(or old lady, anyone?) whose mind is filled with... physics formulas xD JOKING. A young lady who now knows her inner strengths and talents, and who knows that she'll make very good use of them. A girl whose identity crises now reside in a deep corner of her mind, her real self now in full bloom! Whose self-esteem shot up at an exponential rate, whose emotions became more matured and of substance.. I have learnt so much throughout my secondary school life that I'd never realised it til now..
Well, what about all you people out there? Do you know how much you've grown? Nevertheless, any growth is still growth. Whether it is excruciating periods of years like mine, or even just a few months or even weeks.. We all grow, teenagers, adults, children... Whether physically or psychologically.
Ah. Back to work =P you people too, go get some growing done!
Yesterday(or today?) I stayed up for 23hours.. Slept at 10 on thursday night and woke up at 4.25 to continue my geography revision.. And made a big cup of coffee >_< Then I only slept at about 3+ last night.. Whoa!
Was staying up writing my diary. Dug up my old diary(actually, it's placed on a shelf just above my bed..) and read its dusty contents. Wrote a 28-page long post! Those wee hours were the hours I relished by relooking at my life, tracing back the steps I took as I walk the unfamiliar path now..
But I realised that I'd grown at an alarming rate. One year, made a whole lot of difference. Add things up, the past 3years and 8months have done so much to shape my character that it is today. From a tomboyish girl with severe oddities and bouts of depression, to a young lady(or old lady, anyone?) whose mind is filled with... physics formulas xD JOKING. A young lady who now knows her inner strengths and talents, and who knows that she'll make very good use of them. A girl whose identity crises now reside in a deep corner of her mind, her real self now in full bloom! Whose self-esteem shot up at an exponential rate, whose emotions became more matured and of substance.. I have learnt so much throughout my secondary school life that I'd never realised it til now..
Well, what about all you people out there? Do you know how much you've grown? Nevertheless, any growth is still growth. Whether it is excruciating periods of years like mine, or even just a few months or even weeks.. We all grow, teenagers, adults, children... Whether physically or psychologically.
Ah. Back to work =P you people too, go get some growing done!
My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!
Jobichi~san whacked you at 4:52:00 PM
14 August 2007
Yahhh~~~~ Update~!!! Lol.
Hmm.. Had a very weird dream last night. Clarence was in it (suckaa u looked so horrid xD yeah~~~~ Lol no harm intended) Somehow he was tied to a post on a stage(think by leonard, he appeared briefly in the dream o_O) and he got pwned by my lil sis (she decorated his hair in blue hair clips >_<) Then he had that puppy-dog eye expression... Begging to be let go as he had to listen to my 'grandma stories'... what a laugh! then somehow the scenery changed to my cousins' place (think I miss them too much T-T) and he somehow got away.. O well. maybe it means something... Then my cousin (a year older than me) came in with a plastic bag full of rabbits! They were absolutely cuddly and soft and furry... I held two brown ones in my hands xD
Well... I don't get it.
But the rabbits were cute <333
My subconscious was most definitely cursing Clarence even in my sleep though... Hahaha... But seriously, seriously... Why the hell does Suchi say he's my husband? -_-" Heavens' sake, I'd rather die than get laughed at for having a 'husband' younger than me. Neither does he want such a fate, does he? So... SUCHI SHUT UR BLOODY GAP. It's already stressful enough to have to cope with the 'men' in my life. Don't try adding another... If you consider that walking coconut 'human'.. Yes Clarence you can start making voodoo dolls.. want some thread and rope? Nevermind. I think the 4 brown rabbits will eat the rope up...
Tired... hormones wrecking havoc in my already pain-stricken body. Tomorrow's the EL O Level Oral Exams... for me at least. I am SO not ready. Kill me, O lords up above... I really don't feel like doing a darn thing. All the doubts can never seem to be cleared. It seems all I can do is let the tears fall and fall.. Cried myself to sleep. My O level CL results were good. A2 eh.. The DPA has gotten me the offer of my dreams in SP.. Why?
Why does everything fail to raise my downtrodden spirit? Is it just because I'm so tired that I've got no energy left to scream for joy, or is it because there doesn't seem to be anything to be happy about anymore? The world spins as always, a dying world's fate in sight... Perhaps the earth's plight mirrors my emotion.. The skies send showers down as torrents flood my own heart. My room darkens as my mood pales away.. The news show nothing but sad tales (at least, whatever news I ever read or hear)..
Each step I take, brings me closer and closer to the end. Where do we go after the end? It just stops, doesn't it? And we can never see, touch, hear, taste or feel the world again. It just ends. Maybe for those in different religions, things are different. But after all, when we die the elements within us just cease to work their mysterious energies which bring about life. We're just a bunch of elements, controlled by a bunch of elements and the world's environment, which is still a bunch of elements. How pathetic life seems.
But somehow I believe there's more. The spark which caused life to come about was probably not the only thing which gave us the biodiversity of life today.. Bunches of elements are still dead things. Dead things can't taste, touch, hear or see things... dead things don't feel anger, sorrow, sadness or despair... Neither can they feel happiness, joy, or the power of dreams... Then again, what are dreams?
Maybe, just maybe, it's the life force that keeps us going.
And, maybe I should thank Clarence xD coz if not for the funny dream after my sobs, I wouldn't be a lil more upbeat than yesterday... The people who appear in my dreams are commendable. Not anyone can step into the giant realm of alternate universes which is my mind... Yet those who don't appear, may have conquered it all...
"Happiness is something you choose to have, and you can have it your whole life if you want to."
You're right, Sencho. Thanks for bringing me that happiness.
Hmm.. Had a very weird dream last night. Clarence was in it (suckaa u looked so horrid xD yeah~~~~ Lol no harm intended) Somehow he was tied to a post on a stage(think by leonard, he appeared briefly in the dream o_O) and he got pwned by my lil sis (she decorated his hair in blue hair clips >_<) Then he had that puppy-dog eye expression... Begging to be let go as he had to listen to my 'grandma stories'... what a laugh! then somehow the scenery changed to my cousins' place (think I miss them too much T-T) and he somehow got away.. O well. maybe it means something... Then my cousin (a year older than me) came in with a plastic bag full of rabbits! They were absolutely cuddly and soft and furry... I held two brown ones in my hands xD
Well... I don't get it.
But the rabbits were cute <333
My subconscious was most definitely cursing Clarence even in my sleep though... Hahaha... But seriously, seriously... Why the hell does Suchi say he's my husband? -_-" Heavens' sake, I'd rather die than get laughed at for having a 'husband' younger than me. Neither does he want such a fate, does he? So... SUCHI SHUT UR BLOODY GAP. It's already stressful enough to have to cope with the 'men' in my life. Don't try adding another... If you consider that walking coconut 'human'.. Yes Clarence you can start making voodoo dolls.. want some thread and rope? Nevermind. I think the 4 brown rabbits will eat the rope up...
Tired... hormones wrecking havoc in my already pain-stricken body. Tomorrow's the EL O Level Oral Exams... for me at least. I am SO not ready. Kill me, O lords up above... I really don't feel like doing a darn thing. All the doubts can never seem to be cleared. It seems all I can do is let the tears fall and fall.. Cried myself to sleep. My O level CL results were good. A2 eh.. The DPA has gotten me the offer of my dreams in SP.. Why?
Why does everything fail to raise my downtrodden spirit? Is it just because I'm so tired that I've got no energy left to scream for joy, or is it because there doesn't seem to be anything to be happy about anymore? The world spins as always, a dying world's fate in sight... Perhaps the earth's plight mirrors my emotion.. The skies send showers down as torrents flood my own heart. My room darkens as my mood pales away.. The news show nothing but sad tales (at least, whatever news I ever read or hear)..
Each step I take, brings me closer and closer to the end. Where do we go after the end? It just stops, doesn't it? And we can never see, touch, hear, taste or feel the world again. It just ends. Maybe for those in different religions, things are different. But after all, when we die the elements within us just cease to work their mysterious energies which bring about life. We're just a bunch of elements, controlled by a bunch of elements and the world's environment, which is still a bunch of elements. How pathetic life seems.
But somehow I believe there's more. The spark which caused life to come about was probably not the only thing which gave us the biodiversity of life today.. Bunches of elements are still dead things. Dead things can't taste, touch, hear or see things... dead things don't feel anger, sorrow, sadness or despair... Neither can they feel happiness, joy, or the power of dreams... Then again, what are dreams?
Maybe, just maybe, it's the life force that keeps us going.
And, maybe I should thank Clarence xD coz if not for the funny dream after my sobs, I wouldn't be a lil more upbeat than yesterday... The people who appear in my dreams are commendable. Not anyone can step into the giant realm of alternate universes which is my mind... Yet those who don't appear, may have conquered it all...
"Happiness is something you choose to have, and you can have it your whole life if you want to."
You're right, Sencho. Thanks for bringing me that happiness.
My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!
Jobichi~san whacked you at 3:31:00 PM
09 August 2007
The long weekend... Sigh.
Parents went on holiday with my youngest sis. I didn't want to go... Wasn't interested in sitting around in a resort in Malaysia. Besides, I've got so much to do. I'd been washing my shoes, my soft toys xD doing revision for the prelims... And getting my anime fix! Well, gotta relax sometime. And today, I feel much more refreshed. Ready to tackle the day's work.
And of course, I managed to spend some time with my beau.. <3
It seems so unbelievable, all the events that took place recently... Sometimes I find myself smiling like a simpering fool when his image appears in my mind... His voice, his touch, his love... But how long can things last? I mean... They always say teenage loves almost never last. How many couples who were together in their school years ever get married? Well.. my parents are a fine example which opposes this statement.. =)
To think that just some time ago, I'd been a wanderer of the shadows... then the doors to enlightenment came to me, unexpectedly... But still, regardless of the knowledge of hope, I was trapped in my shadows.. the memories that so tormented me, the actions I should have never done. Then a decision to make amends.. And yet, as if Heaven was smiling down on me, I had been given a new strength, and with it I can walk the distance... Hand in hand, we will walk the journey called life...
No matter what happens, this first love has been a strong and miraculous one, bound by affinity and fate. Never mind if it doesn't last, for at least I've experienced its beauty and power. But it would be nice if it lasted... A sweet love story to tell my children in the future... Children.. with whom? Shhh~ xD
Parents went on holiday with my youngest sis. I didn't want to go... Wasn't interested in sitting around in a resort in Malaysia. Besides, I've got so much to do. I'd been washing my shoes, my soft toys xD doing revision for the prelims... And getting my anime fix! Well, gotta relax sometime. And today, I feel much more refreshed. Ready to tackle the day's work.
And of course, I managed to spend some time with my beau.. <3
It seems so unbelievable, all the events that took place recently... Sometimes I find myself smiling like a simpering fool when his image appears in my mind... His voice, his touch, his love... But how long can things last? I mean... They always say teenage loves almost never last. How many couples who were together in their school years ever get married? Well.. my parents are a fine example which opposes this statement.. =)
To think that just some time ago, I'd been a wanderer of the shadows... then the doors to enlightenment came to me, unexpectedly... But still, regardless of the knowledge of hope, I was trapped in my shadows.. the memories that so tormented me, the actions I should have never done. Then a decision to make amends.. And yet, as if Heaven was smiling down on me, I had been given a new strength, and with it I can walk the distance... Hand in hand, we will walk the journey called life...
No matter what happens, this first love has been a strong and miraculous one, bound by affinity and fate. Never mind if it doesn't last, for at least I've experienced its beauty and power. But it would be nice if it lasted... A sweet love story to tell my children in the future... Children.. with whom? Shhh~ xD
My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!
Jobichi~san whacked you at 2:50:00 PM
03 August 2007
Ahh muack muacks muacks!!! I'm back to mah baby~~~
Haven't come on my blog for some time now... So many things to write, so many things to say!
Wish I had the time to scream it all here... But studies come first more than anything else.
23 more days to the prelims.. Hell. I feel like cutting my throat and letting the blood spurt out in all directions... No more me, no more prelims, no more Os. That would be peace.
Been listening to Bleach songs as of late. Alones is a very sweet song ^^ just like Sen no Yoru wo Koete~ But SnYwK packs more punch and is lifting.
But now, the song represents not what I lost, but what I found.
So many unreciprocated feelings... all blown away by the winds of change. How many in the past 1 and a 1/2 years? About 3. One was pure misunderstanding, pure folly on my part... the other a blind swipe in the darkness, hoping to light the rusted torch... the last one? A burst of joy yet confusion from within... yet, yet, that was the only one I don't regret til this day. At the Metamorphosis concert, our eyes met again since a very long time. I smiled, and with a little hesitation, he smiled back. Perhaps that's all I wanted to see, nothing more. Maybe I didn't want what I sought after before the song.
What about feelings reciprocated?
His eyes are the only ones I'd gaze into til my head goes dizzy... *dreamy*
Sometimes, I wonder if it's because I've got a taste for younger guys (somehow) that drew me to my beau. Sometimes I feel I'm dating a lil boy, who hasn't quite grown out of computer games and cards. Yet there is an air which I can't quite describe in him, that makes his form so different altogether. Perhaps that is why I don't mind at all. He can understand my priorities, which I feel most guys these days wouldn't understand. His gestures are saccharine, yet his every move leaves one bewildered (think he'll decapitate me if he sees this xD) It's strange how fate twists and winds so unnervingly, giving you all the unexpected things in life. But I'm pretty happy with what fate has given me, as if the prices I'd paid in the past were all worth it.
Sigh...
Had been slacking for the past few days. Sleep, is something I need so badly, yet the only time I can relish it is in the dead of the night. The hours lit by daylight are strictly for work and play, no naps, no nothing. And yet, the rest I get never seems to be a good one. My mind tousled in mind-wrecking thoughts, provoking images which makes one's blood curdle (technically, blood can't curdle. Its bound by thrombin as it gets into contact with the air... does it?)
Ahh anyway... where was I?
The bonds I once had, I now try to mend. The illusory that shrouded the first now dispelled, with my own mind. The other, though torch no longer lit, I cast away thy fire... The last? A story with a beginning, but no visible end. Where is the end? I see his yearning, so similar to mine, yet unlike mine. I wish I could take a step in and guide him through.. When I was hovering in the darkness, no one could lead me.. Now I do not want to see anyone fall into the ultimate trap; of oneself. But we're of different worlds, one of the land, and one of the ocean. Whence can they meet?
But it doesn't matter... I've come to love the open blue sky =)
Haven't come on my blog for some time now... So many things to write, so many things to say!
Wish I had the time to scream it all here... But studies come first more than anything else.
23 more days to the prelims.. Hell. I feel like cutting my throat and letting the blood spurt out in all directions... No more me, no more prelims, no more Os. That would be peace.
Been listening to Bleach songs as of late. Alones is a very sweet song ^^ just like Sen no Yoru wo Koete~ But SnYwK packs more punch and is lifting.
But now, the song represents not what I lost, but what I found.
So many unreciprocated feelings... all blown away by the winds of change. How many in the past 1 and a 1/2 years? About 3. One was pure misunderstanding, pure folly on my part... the other a blind swipe in the darkness, hoping to light the rusted torch... the last one? A burst of joy yet confusion from within... yet, yet, that was the only one I don't regret til this day. At the Metamorphosis concert, our eyes met again since a very long time. I smiled, and with a little hesitation, he smiled back. Perhaps that's all I wanted to see, nothing more. Maybe I didn't want what I sought after before the song.
What about feelings reciprocated?
His eyes are the only ones I'd gaze into til my head goes dizzy... *dreamy*
Sometimes, I wonder if it's because I've got a taste for younger guys (somehow) that drew me to my beau. Sometimes I feel I'm dating a lil boy, who hasn't quite grown out of computer games and cards. Yet there is an air which I can't quite describe in him, that makes his form so different altogether. Perhaps that is why I don't mind at all. He can understand my priorities, which I feel most guys these days wouldn't understand. His gestures are saccharine, yet his every move leaves one bewildered (think he'll decapitate me if he sees this xD) It's strange how fate twists and winds so unnervingly, giving you all the unexpected things in life. But I'm pretty happy with what fate has given me, as if the prices I'd paid in the past were all worth it.
Sigh...
Had been slacking for the past few days. Sleep, is something I need so badly, yet the only time I can relish it is in the dead of the night. The hours lit by daylight are strictly for work and play, no naps, no nothing. And yet, the rest I get never seems to be a good one. My mind tousled in mind-wrecking thoughts, provoking images which makes one's blood curdle (technically, blood can't curdle. Its bound by thrombin as it gets into contact with the air... does it?)
Ahh anyway... where was I?
The bonds I once had, I now try to mend. The illusory that shrouded the first now dispelled, with my own mind. The other, though torch no longer lit, I cast away thy fire... The last? A story with a beginning, but no visible end. Where is the end? I see his yearning, so similar to mine, yet unlike mine. I wish I could take a step in and guide him through.. When I was hovering in the darkness, no one could lead me.. Now I do not want to see anyone fall into the ultimate trap; of oneself. But we're of different worlds, one of the land, and one of the ocean. Whence can they meet?
But it doesn't matter... I've come to love the open blue sky =)
My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!
Jobichi~san whacked you at 5:26:00 PM