=--=--= L o s t ':.:' s o u L =--=--=

Ah.
Hi.
Thanks for clicking the link that led you to this blog... Now it is whether you can bear to read its contents. This blog has been labelled 'cheam' by most people whom I know (therefore highlighting their incompetency in the English language... hehehehehe xD no I'm just joking, don't pelt me with rotten veggies.. *splat!*)
Each entry in this blog are like pieces of my disillusioned self... Good luck to the one who dares brave into uncharted territory... the chasms of my mind.
I know you don't like what you see. Yes... I hear your displeasure already... See the red button on the top right hand corner? Yes that. The one with the little 'x'... Click that...

And for those who wish to stay, Arigato gozaimasu~! Please tag... ^^
Use the hearts on the left to navigate =)

"Sono omoi ga kanawanakutatte suki na hito ni suki tte tsutaeru sore wa kono sekai de ichiban suteki na koto sa..."

I gotta make this short or my guts will fall out.

But I really feel so squashed up these days... gotta let it all out!!!

Haiz... Bother...

Really feel like screaming my lungs out. Which is what I've been doing lately for choir practices. Yeah I know sop 2s I'm pushing it. But I need to let it all out somwhere. Sorry if we've been going out of tune. If it's anything, it's my fault. Sorry.
I don't know. Usually my singing only reaches a 75% even when performing onstage, about 60% during choir practices in the music room, and at most 70% for the morning sectionals. But recently I've been pushing the bar to more than 80%. Yeah I taste blood alright, even now. Not some infection of sorts but I've been coughing up blood for some time now. If its not my gums its my lungs (lol it rhymes! Does it?)

It feels like my world's spinning round and round like a mad whirring top... Suddenly, its orbit is cut short, only to begin again spinning and spinning... So I'm currently starting to spin again, with even more velocity and of increasing acceleration (yeahhh Physics. Ouch.)

Studies. Choir. Friends. Self. Studies. Choir. Friends. Self. The delicate balance has been disrupted and my emotions wildly swing once again. How can I? To think I had promised a very important person in my life that I'd never do this again. I promised never to induce self-inflicted pain or cower before the darkness upon me... because I had loved him. Yeah. I dare to say this. Easily even the sharp eyes of my parents may be seeing this. But I do admit that I had loved someone with my heart in my fifteen years of my life. No doubt I love the people around me too, family, friends... But that person was important to me to. And I believed, whether it was true or not, that he felt that way too. And because of that, I gave my word. It became our 'yakusoku'...

But I'm without him anymore...

Things just went off too early I guess... And now without his support, I'm falling apart again. But this time round, I roughly know how to pick up the pieces as how he had shown me. And I will pull through, I guess. But now I'm succumbing to my own fears again, and the tears don't stop. They just cascade down my face, never relenting, emotions pouring down my face, never stopping... Why? I had vowed to never cry again. Never to cry for such abominable reasons, never to weep for things so tiny and useless in my life. But they don't stop. And there's no one around who can understand my pain. Nobody's there, even if I try to explain, not a soul I know can feel it, not many have experienced it as I do (my peers I mean)

Why?

What bad karma have I attained in my past life to deserve this?

So be it. I don't know how, but I will survive... I must. For it is my will which I must attain, which I must achieve... But... Do I have that strength? When will the tears stop? How I wish I could be devoid of emotion... never to feel again... but if that were the case, I wouldn't be fulfilling my dreams...

Let it loose.

My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!

Jobichi~san whacked you at 10:50:00 PM

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