=--=--= L o s t ':.:' s o u L =--=--=

Ah.
Hi.
Thanks for clicking the link that led you to this blog... Now it is whether you can bear to read its contents. This blog has been labelled 'cheam' by most people whom I know (therefore highlighting their incompetency in the English language... hehehehehe xD no I'm just joking, don't pelt me with rotten veggies.. *splat!*)
Each entry in this blog are like pieces of my disillusioned self... Good luck to the one who dares brave into uncharted territory... the chasms of my mind.
I know you don't like what you see. Yes... I hear your displeasure already... See the red button on the top right hand corner? Yes that. The one with the little 'x'... Click that...

And for those who wish to stay, Arigato gozaimasu~! Please tag... ^^
Use the hearts on the left to navigate =)

"Sono omoi ga kanawanakutatte suki na hito ni suki tte tsutaeru sore wa kono sekai de ichiban suteki na koto sa..."

Raindrops fell upon my face.

Sent ym to the bus stop after doing the english project, which was a little overdue. Finally, with pathetic recordings and a few re-records we finished it. I can't say I'm pleased with the result. Turns out I sound horrid on playback. Actually I've always sounded horrid, just that I needed something to blast it at me before I can admit it.

I feel so empty inside. An empty shell, fragile and easily smashed. My feelings have died, or rather, I'm killing them with metal. Molten steel is my weapon of choice. I have severed my heart with my bare hands, ripping the aorta and pulmonary arteries, crushing the veins, and drowning it in the metal. That's the pain I'm feeling now (or the delusion which I've set upon myself)

If only I were a cold-blooded creature of the night, talking to no one, unreceptive to anyone. No words could make me falter, no actions would move me. But I am a human being, set forth to live on this whirling sphere of madness called the Earth. I see the sights humans see, hear the sounds humans hear, breathing the same air that has been around for eons, drinking the water which sustains our lives. I also feel as humans do, unfortunately.

What is the point of having feelings when you'd get hurt from them? Wouldn't it be better if one could not feel? Then one would be safe; one would never be hurt by a mere phrase or sentence. One would feel nought when being pushed down a flight of stairs, or jabbed in the stomach by a table, or hit in the face by a football.. Or slapped, punched, kicked, tightly held in vice...

The rain's heavier now.

I guess I can't do anything, can I? I don't trust people easily, neither do I expect anyone at all in this whole wide world to trust me. Such is society, such is myself. But it's lonely. And I'm feeling ever so lost now. Lost in my thoughts, lost looking for my destiny, lost trying to find love... But love isn't easily tangible (Sherrie said it before -- on a V-day gift~ so sweet of her), my search could well go on into my next life, and the next, and the next... (if there is reincarnation at all)

But how I wish I wasn't a female. There would be so many things possible for me to do if I were a guy. At the very least, I could help continue the family line (ehehehe... but it's practical isn't it?) And I would do so much more than what I do now. I can't say I'm not happy with who I am. But I'm not satisfied either. The desire to be a member of the opposite sex has triggered many weird results, both physical and psychologically.

It's DUMB.

I can't say I'm totally lesbian or something (if my mentality is that of a guy, I would fall in love with a gal, isn't that right?) But I don't mind being one xD I've so many doubts about myself and my character that even the simplest n smallest step for nuturing a relationship is exaggerated... Traditionally gals aren't supposed to ask guys out. My take is that if you like someone and wait forever for him to open his mouth, you waste your time. And he might not even have the same feelings of affection towards you. Rejection is also another problem, which I find most gals cant handle. I'm cool though. It's a huge surprise if anyone, not to mention a member of the opposite sex, would even appreciate and accept me for who I am...

And of course, being a guy seems like alot of fun. Besides the stress in looking 'cool' or keeping a reputation (which I don't even give a damn), guys seem to enjoy life better than gals. Well, better than me I guess.

Enough crap talk. My eyes are about to fall from its sockets. I don't wanna lose the humour in me... Biology students get it?

Oh by the way, I drew a pic of a gal/guy dripping a human heart in molten steel. Should be female. She's got boobies.

My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!

Jobichi~san whacked you at 11:23:00 PM

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