=--=--= L o s t ':.:' s o u L =--=--=

Ah.
Hi.
Thanks for clicking the link that led you to this blog... Now it is whether you can bear to read its contents. This blog has been labelled 'cheam' by most people whom I know (therefore highlighting their incompetency in the English language... hehehehehe xD no I'm just joking, don't pelt me with rotten veggies.. *splat!*)
Each entry in this blog are like pieces of my disillusioned self... Good luck to the one who dares brave into uncharted territory... the chasms of my mind.
I know you don't like what you see. Yes... I hear your displeasure already... See the red button on the top right hand corner? Yes that. The one with the little 'x'... Click that...

And for those who wish to stay, Arigato gozaimasu~! Please tag... ^^
Use the hearts on the left to navigate =)

"Sono omoi ga kanawanakutatte suki na hito ni suki tte tsutaeru sore wa kono sekai de ichiban suteki na koto sa..."

Recently, I submitted a form for the Teen Star competition for the... CDC? (ummm I think...)

Checked the website. No details.

When do I make an appearance? No details.

What now? No idea. Neither does Mr. Samuie... No idea if he knows too, forgot to ask him about it...

Seriously, is it a good idea to go at all?

And what song to sing?

Ahhh... My ghost comes to haunt me again. Fear of the stage. Ironic, when I'm actually a choir member. Being up onstage with a group of people is one thing. Going solo is another matter entirely. Am I prepared at all? Nah. What am I doing this for? It's more of challenging myself to push the limits... Well, there's also the attractive $3k if I win... Hehe... If I ever win that is...

Why do I demean myself?

Lack of self-esteem? Yeah, fair enough. Lack of courage? No idea. Likely the problem though...
And I still don't know if it's a good idea singing Japanese songs. Though I love 'em but I don't know if others will, and most importantly, can I carry them off?

I've already got a song in mind, the very same one I sung for the GUSTO auditions... But I still lack power in terms of expressing the song's true meaning. Why?

Is it the lack of lustre in my life now? Or is it the fact I'm already physically drained and not as energetic as my peers anymore? Or is it that I have given up even before the battle's fought?

I once told a friend this too. But here I am displaying the same demeaning behaviour.

AAAAAHHHH!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!

*shoves brain aside*

So many things happening in my pathetic life now. One wonders how I might even survive the O levels, much less the other challenges in life... My dreams, my goals, my hopes etcetera... And feelings gush in like tsunamis flooding the coast of my brain, overtaking my natural course of daily life, swallowing my sanity, making me doubt if I am still me...

Who am I now?

I don't recognise myself anymore... Like the song I have chosen, I am lost and waiting for a sign... Believing there will be a sign out from the darkness now that I'm lying in... A desperate prayer... A lost soul in search of a purpose to go on... The person I looked at in the mirror 5 years ago is not me anymore... I don't know whether to thank the heavens for giving me this wisdom I have achieved in such a mere timespan, but yet the two windows adorning my face already show sign of wear, and so is the body I now reside in... Already I am succumbing to forces I have no idea of, and my form weakens each day. I do not know what is eating me inside, but it's painful...

But I've grown. That's definite. And there's no way of reversing it. I have to accept it. Yet it seems so sad as I see my peers enjoying things I don't know how to enjoy, and I'm alone... I haven't felt more alone in a long time. It seems like I'm shut off from the rest in my classroom... I don't know, I just feel like that. No one's really interested in talking to me, and I don't mind. But it's painful...

It's weird how some of my friends are going through stages of their life which I've already gone through. It's like as my internal clock is running a year or two faster than them in some ways, maybe more. But all the more it makes it sadder, because no one relates to my situation. And it seems that I will sink down again...

Mrs. Liu talked about her relationship with her husband for CME... Which made me think twice about saying I would die before I get married... But, will I ever find someone who can accept me for who I am?

I don't know... I really don't know anything anymore...

My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!

Jobichi~san whacked you at 5:39:00 PM

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