=--=--= L o s t ':.:' s o u L =--=--=

Ah.
Hi.
Thanks for clicking the link that led you to this blog... Now it is whether you can bear to read its contents. This blog has been labelled 'cheam' by most people whom I know (therefore highlighting their incompetency in the English language... hehehehehe xD no I'm just joking, don't pelt me with rotten veggies.. *splat!*)
Each entry in this blog are like pieces of my disillusioned self... Good luck to the one who dares brave into uncharted territory... the chasms of my mind.
I know you don't like what you see. Yes... I hear your displeasure already... See the red button on the top right hand corner? Yes that. The one with the little 'x'... Click that...

And for those who wish to stay, Arigato gozaimasu~! Please tag... ^^
Use the hearts on the left to navigate =)

"Sono omoi ga kanawanakutatte suki na hito ni suki tte tsutaeru sore wa kono sekai de ichiban suteki na koto sa..."

My com's a little like a human with failing kidneys... One speaker doesnt seem to work... But the sound's still pretty powerful... Gotta check its connections later... Lols

I decided to challenge Mr. Samuie. How dare he say I'm a quitter! Lol. But he's right. I've gotta sit up and wake up to my fears. Sooner or later I will have to face them. His four simple words gave me a wake up call. "I've been sleeping for a thousand years it seems!" Time to wake up. Thanks Mr. Samuie~ (lol if he ever reads this...)

I've chosen another song to sing for the auditions... Learnt it within a day... Listened to it 20+ times ytd... It's the closest song I know of that reflects my inner self now... Guess? It's english, yeah, and I've already stated a part of its lyrics.

But I'm not sure if I can carry it off. I plan to do it a capella so in case I go off tempo I won't get faulted. But I'm not sure... I'm scared I will go off-key... Ms Yee mentioned today about 'perfect-pitch' people. I always internalize my notes and I usually don't go off-key unless under stress or if forced to... Is that considered it? Not boasting, but if I am such a person it'll give me an added advantage in the upcoming auditions...

Wow. It's just an audition and I'm fretting over all manners of things... Wear what? Put what make-up? Probably just some foundation (actually I might need alot.) and maybe a lil lip balm with colour. Make me look pale xD lol...

Aaahhh!!! How???? Lol...

It's not even the actual day but I'm already as nervous and as anxious than ever before. My heart races like galloping horses thundering over a rocky cliff seeming to fall... By just thinking about it!
Oh Heaven help me...

I met this guy from my senior's class. Somehow although I didnt know him very well, except that he takes 178 like me and he's in Maria's class, I could talk to him like as if I knew him for a long time. I guess I just needed some one to talk to. He said I should smile more. Or is it? And he said I shouldn't look so depressed all the time... Yeah I guess that's true. Perhaps it takes someone you don't really know to point out where you've failed yourself. But it was good talking to him. Relieved quite a big load off my back after chatting with him. I can never achieve that level of conversation with most of my peers. At least, most of my peers (classmates for example) may never understand or know how to listen to my troubles. Haiz...

But unlike the song, I still haven't found my saviour... Or maybe I have, but he's only pulled me out of the dark, and now... I don't know how my saviour is. It's really cruel, how the passing of time pulls two people apart. I don't know whether he's coping in school, or if he's totally forgotten me, or if he's still thinking of me. But I doubt it. I'm not worth his memories... He shouldn't have to remember the girl who dragged him down along into the darkness... I don't "know what I'm without", neither has anyone ever truly understood me...

The quest continues...

I don't know who I am through other's eyes. I have worn so many different masks, I don't even know who I am anymore. All I know is I've tried very hard to drop them, but the confusion has already consumed me... And it's confusing my friends around me too, I think. Even new people I meet, I often end up pulling on one of my masks, to hide my low self-esteem or to hide my mental states... And nothing ever goes well. I don't know why I feel so horrid. I wish I could look into a clear, untainted mirror, which will reflect the true me... And then perhaps, perhaps I can unleash what really is me... Or I'll self-destruct (Ms Yee's 'phrase of the week', or so she claims)

I would always look into a mirror, looking hard at myself. Exactly what is this being standing before me? What purpose is it of mine here? Why do I feel so confused and mixed up inside?

So many questions left unanswered... Left hanging in the air, like sickening skulls covered in blood, speared and hung with shreds of blood-stained rope... I don't know anything anymore...

My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!

Jobichi~san whacked you at 8:04:00 PM

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