No, I'm not gonna post about those three guys. The first would claim his 'savage handsomeness' to the world. The second would go '...' and the third, who's currently still pissed with me I think, would think of nought.
Going to Japan has cleared my head. By a lot. For starters, I managed to find myself again (FOOD! XD). The person whom I was, the person who I am now, have now met. Yet to become one, but slowly both will find their way...
Why have I been acting the way I did? I guess there is no point regretting. Why him? Why the similarities? Why did my mind gravitate in that direction? Why did it make such an association? Why do I only realise it now? And...
It is too late anyway.
Maybe it's for the better, that we don't talk to each other anymore. That way, I can stop being the bitch I am when I'm around you. Although... That means I won't be able to repay the kindness you have shown me. I guess I never will, because I'll never know how. If there is some part of me which still influences the world in ways not even I can being to comprehend... I hope you will find a kindness much greater than the one you have shown me, something which will change your life for the better... Unlike what I have did. The feelings I have... are so much like the ones I have for someone so close to me... It's stifling. The attitude I have towards you and his are nothing short of identical. Maybe, it's better this way. I won't be so confused anymore, I won't be so afraid anymore.
Oh well.
Maybe one day when I've understood those feelings, I'll look for you again. And apologise in a proper way. But the damage's already been done, no?
Maybe it's just time for the wind to blow again, to forget the scars it left behind.
MANGA TIEM~ XD
My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!
Jobichi~san whacked you at 9:16:00 PM
I REVIVE THY DEAD BLOG YATTA~~~~~~~~~~~~
Photoshop.
Man.
My shoulders and back ache. Badly.
The first term of poly life is coming to an end... I have a pretty cool class, with its fair amount of cool people. Not enough... chio bu... though... XD Met some old friends, saw some familiar faces...
Now sitting in school, staring at my laptop. And I just realised, this is my first post on my lappy! Hurray~
Trying to develop a treatment for my script for a module called 'Storytelling and Story Boarding'. A treatment is like a written version of the script (LOL) in such a way you describe everything, instead of doing it in script format. And it has to be presentable to your prospective clients. In this case, my lecturer... I wanted to do a story on a girl I created during one of the lessons. But I couldn't find a good way to portray her loneliness... She's obsessed with blood (like me!) and she kills and kills... But she actually kills criminals.
Anyway...
The new story I'm working on... is even lamer. I had been toying with it ever since me and my sister role-played with it (yes, we both do ALOT of spoken role-play... I'm not sure what to call it, but... yeah.)
“99% of all aliens who come to Earth as tourists always land on one exact spot. It is the home of the Alien Escort.”
Would you read a story or watch an anime based on this sentence? XD
And even this story, I can't quite develop. Sigh.
So much has occurred (again) in the time I had not posted... Right now, I'm a tad trifled. It seems I'd courted my own death again... The nightmare will replay itself, like a broken reel... In a cinema only I can see... part of this came from Dirty, OP1 of Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro. But what the heck? I got described as a Neuro. And sadly it is pretty true... "Disregarding humans". I don't know to what extent now, but yes... It is there. Somehow. Those words he said stung. Hard. Even though it wasn't face to face... I felt like the nightmare was starting again. Those walls of ice... Slowly piling up, slowly rising... The only thing I know how to do.
"Being in love with two guys." My laopuo once said this to me XD And I think she's right. And I'm not being fair... to myself, even if not to both of them. One, I embrace with all my might. The other, I continue to confuse... Deluding myself, denying my own feelings... I guess I have no choice. To protect myself, the selfish person I am. The scarred one I was. Now, I no longer know what to say to that person. I fear the nightmare. I fear I might say the wrong things again, and history will repeat itself. I'm scared... ...
And I'm FREAKING TIRED. 4am-7.30am sleep is not enough for me. Thank heavens I slept more yesterday, or today would be impossible to last through. Japanese class 5.30-7.30pm.. Gotta get home discuss the script for the video shoot, make a cutesy fake microphone XD add the final touches to my collage, so that it can be printed soon... ...
How many hearts must I break, before mine totally shatters and disappears? I don't have many left. My mind, a mangled commodity. It's clearly reflected in my collage. And where do I find the courage to say 'sorry', and promise not to do it again? I don't know...
Work. Back to work.
My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!
Jobichi~san whacked you at 4:25:00 PM
Hmmm....
Hmmmm.....
Hmmmmmm.......
Darn.
I have no idea HOW to start!
Music won't help my brains either.
Copying Mira. Sorry arhs XD
This post... is for Cluster 3 people... Because I feel really bad for not doing anything when everyone did =X So... if you are reading this... Scroll down and check it out.
But... somehow... I can't seem to write a thing....
Hahas... This is really unlike me. After all this while, blogging was never a hard thing to do. All those gripes and groans, even the weirdest crap I dare to post....
And now my mum scolds me for using the com.
Sigh...
Haha...
Hahaha.....
I really have lost it.
Is being honest with your own feelings so hard? When you have that stirring feeling in your heart... Is it so hard to express it? Why?
Oh well... I am an alien after all. But this alien is starting to become more human.... Sounds familiar, Neuro fans?
And so, here goes.
Errr... hmmm... Who should I start with? I'm sure I didn't talk to many people in class... And... later you guys can me or something... T-T
Yes and you should've ignored the crap I wrote above and scrolled down XD
WARNING: VERY WEIRD COMMENTS ABOUT YOU IN YOUR POST.
I shall start randomly:
"Yu Jia"
The first person I ever talked to in DPA. How did that happen??? I question myself. Maybe it's cuz that day, you were sitting alone like I was. But who cares? Your curiosity in shrimps made me all the more curious (after all, I keep guppies. They're aquatic life too!) And also, thanks for getting the brine shrimp eggs. I think you could've seen my eyes sparkle when I got them XD You remind me of who I was some time back... Er, maybe that's not very good =X I hope you'll find your way... in the next three years in SP! Stay in contact ok? Because I still wanna ask what happened to the shrimps XD
"Shi Yun"
In my group for IDEAS!
I never NEVER expected to find someone whom I knew in primary school to appear. And I thought I was going to die (from surprise and anxiety) when I saw you... But things turned out well. You still are a lot like when you were in primary school (no no its not a bad thing =X) and you still played pokemon, even lent me your DS... Although these might seem like little things here and there, you made my day sometimes, especially when I was down =P Thanks for your scary laughter, though it was embarrasing at times, it made me wanna laugh too. And that's hard for me =)
"Pei Wen"
Gyaaaaah your blue streak of hair~~~~
I am jealous!!! Unfaaaaiirrr~~~ XD
When I first saw you at the enrolment for PPP, I thought you were gonna be one of the bimbo-ish people... don't kill me!!! And your opening was very unexpected (to me). You were so much more tomboyish than I expected! I nearly got a heart attack XD You're really fun to be with, so high and so hyperactive, and I admit... Your 'high-ness' is really contagious... I ought to learn from you XD Stay cool, gal! Your drawing's good too =3
"Mira"
Technically you should've been first, I realise. After all I copied your idea =XXX
Dango~!
You're a really cute girl... with a unique dressing style... Which I'll never be able to copy >_< if I were a guy I'd probably woo you or something... But I'm not, and you already have a guy XD You and the moberly gang are really fun people, but I don't seem to be on the same wavelength with you guys... Maybe it's just me =X Thanks lots for saying my drawings were nice... I will make sure to show you the completed 'Stickman' when I'm done! Of course, it'll only be book 1 XD stay cute hor! XD DDM~ we can exchange pointers!
"Syikin"
For some reason, I can never seem to spell your name right. SORRY~~~~
Manga isn't easy to draw, I hope you know that. So don't worry if you can't =) I believe that applies to everyone else too! Saw you at the interview, saw you in the same cluster... There must be a great amount of affinity at play to make you, me, and Siti end up in such weird circumstances.. Ok I shall stop rattling XD you and siti make a very fun pair, along with pei wen XD it's really fun just watching you guys playing around (especially with the soft toys XD) If we're in the same class, whee~! If not, it's ok. We can still exchange pointers with each other right? DDM! =3
"Siti"
I can't do html like you doooo~~~~
Unfair!!! XD
From the interview til now. Isn't it fun? I didn't realise it til you told me XD I wasn't expecting to see you. And funny how you helped me out back then (IP stands for... huh? I still don't know!!! =X) And I still haven't thanked you properly! You're fun to be with, the soft toys (lol) and your laughter is equally contagious (along with pei wen's 'high-ness' XD) Don't know if we'll be in the same class, but I do hope so. Then you can teach me all that you know... muahahahaha!!! But more importantly, I want to be around your laughter! Whee~
"Jolene"
Musically inclined. You win. XD
As a fellow lover of music, you already won me over when you said you were in choir. And a student conductor too (am I right? =X) I was just a sectional leader (pretty sad too) You're one of the more 'normal' girls in C3 (along with pei ying and evelyn)... It's pretty scary if everyone was hyperactive, and as much as I don't look like it, I get tired of hyperactive-ness XD you have a very sweet laugh. Really! I really look up to you. A little like an older sister/mother figure of sorts, which is rare for me (because I'm usually the sister/mother figure in my own circle of friends!) You go gal!
"Pei Ying"
*_* your calligraphy... So neat... So nice... Nooo.... XD
I was VERY tempted to write yours and Evelyn's together... you two are always together! Cousins so close.... I feel envious coz mine are all in malaysia XD I like the way you dress and speak and stuff... It really suits your image =) I don't know about the other guys but you'd definitely be in my list of 'kawaii'!!! XD Stay sweet~
"Evelyn"
Your photoshop work was... unholy. XD
It was really good and not something I could do. You MUST teach me, o great one! You have a cute laugh, and not to mention a nice voice... if you sing one day for some competition I'll be there XD Like Pei Ying, I believe small voices can grow big... And one day, be even better than all the crazy hyperactive people... (no, I'm not shooting down the hyperactive people! XD) Stay sweet~ =3
"Qiong Hui"
Yes I will show you my completed comic!!! Lol emo main character XD
You seem like a loner to me. Or am I wrong? Maybe it's cuz I'm also a loner, I felt drawn to you. And I think at this point you'll probably go like 'nooooooooooooooo...??!!!' XD Honestly, I don't know you very well... But... I have curly wavy whateveryoucallit hair, and you seem to have it too. But you wear it pretty well (unlike mine, tie oso weird, never tie look like lion XD) If you do find a way to wear it better, or a good way of cutting it, do tell me... And so, we BETTER keep in contact. =3
"Wesley"
Short guy. I pat your head! XD
I agree with Mira that you always say 'sweet god'. And 'holy christ', and how things are 'unholy' and the way you say hello every morning with the person's name and the way you wave, and that smile...
You're one of the first guys who approached me (without me approaching you. Remember ESS?) And honestly? I WAS SHOCKED OUT OF MY WITS. For starters, your character was totally different from what I expected (and most people in cluster 3 was like that) I have too much to write about you, so if you want to know more about my real opinions of you, you'll have to beat me up and force a confession from me... =P and sorry for poking you with my loooong fingernails... and forcing you to finish your food when you dont. XD
Let's just leave it as...... You're kawaii~! X3 stay that way, alright? Whee....
"Eldwin"
Fun guyyyy~~~
So tall!!! Taller than my daddy!
Only recently I've been chatting with you... And I find out you're a really cool guy. Nail polish, LOLITA... and alot of other things... You are almost the total opposite of me XD The hell, you're even more girly than me! LOL. And thanks for the little little things, like recently... accompanying me to grab lunch at mac's yesterday =X and also listening to my problems... You seem really mature to me *_* if I could have an older brother I'd want him to be like you! Without the blurness though. Funny how you can never remember Meijing's name XD Stay cool!
"Param"
CAMERAMAN. LOL. And Mr. DPA!
Thanks to you I've been using lol alot now lol lol lol XD
You seemed like the very quiet sort. I think I got it all wrong.... You're interesting to talk to, and thanks for helping me out with my sister's project (though in the end she did something else XD) After all, I'm the tech idiot, you're the tech pro. In video making XD your video for that competition was real cool. Hope to see your stuff on the big screen sometime, if you're aiming for that lol =)
"Mei Jing"
You always seem to be blur. *cold wind blows*
No no, it's not a bad thing... XD
You are amazingly blur... and yet somehow you manage to get the things and information we all don't get in groupwork... for that, I REALLY have to hand it to you @_@ IDEAS and MR groupwork was both fun and painful when you and alvin couldn't stop being random and sidetracking... Lol. XD Your animal drawing is cool. I can do animal drawing too, but it's nowhere as good as yours =X Hope you'll be able to improve further like you did for L2L... I'm sure you can! And.. eat more girl! XD
"Alvin"
Supreme randomness. I think. XD
You are funny. I think that sums most things up XD
Thanks for letting me and the rest go to your place to do the IDEAS projects... I think I was a bit too hard on you and mei jing back then =X sorry for being so serious! I like the fact you're so open about liking... er... what's her name?? That girl from Condor Heroes?? And better still, I like her too!!! It must seem weird for a girl to go crazy over another girl, but OH WELL. She's cute ma! You agree right? XD Perhaps one day you'll find the chio bu you always wanted... and you can pole dance with her too =P
"Hong Ming"
Hmmm...
Hmmm...
LOL.
You remind me of my sec sch classmate... He's EXTREMELY LIKE YOU. Maybe that's why I didn't talk to you much and nearly avoided you (bad memories >_<) But after the ESS I found that you were alot better than that old classmate. Til you started teasing people in class =X Especially the stuff you said about meeting boyfriend etcetc... and that time in the library when you traumatised wesley... XD Hahas. I think you both will get along very well! But anyway... Stay that way =)
"Ashraf"
I also can never seem to spell your name correctly. SORRY!!!
During ESS you seemed not so confident of your own abilities... It was really funny being assigned to a group with all guys other than me XD remember the making babies thing? Just sit back, smile, and speak as you would. No one's gonna shoot you down... Hahas. Gambatte (keep it up) ok? And your drawing's really neat and straight, not like mine, all sketchy XD Go go go in interior design!
"Jie Ping"
Mr. Chio Bu!
Also in my group during ESS. And science mad no? Harry potter cloak XD Did I monopolise the group during ESS, I wonder? Hope I didn't =X Other than those times, I didn't talk to you much (as well as Ashraf and Daren) But it was fun talking to you guys. Only thing that made the lesson worthwhile ba =P Not to mention you've got a bright smile =) hope you find your chio bu with it XD
"Daren"
Mr. DPA!
I saw that you were so painfully... hmm... de-attached from the class? At the start... I trrrried to make you join in the class. Failed. Moberly gang bagged you! XD You're also in DDM right? 3D animation next time Don't remember much... But I know we didn't talk much to each other either =X The silent killer. When you speak, you are scary @_@ because you know what you're doing (unlike me XD). Now, all you need to do is be less shy... Gogogo~ XD
"Fairul"
Now, for the EVEN more random guy. XD
Also didn't really talk to you much (Yes, I'm anti social!!!) But you are really funny. Really! In a good way! I remember something about the saving energy if you take lift than taking the stairs... Or something like that. Very, very random. And I didn't get it =X And your funny quips in class really made me laugh (I can NEVER do that). Stay random. LOL. XD
"Eugene"
Sorry for making you last. The order was random laaa~!
Don't think you even care do you? Lol. You reminded me of a sec school friend... But you were nearly entirely different (except the aloofness. You seemed like that!) The rubiks guy!!! Who sparked off a rubiks craze in Cluster 3. (Meijing went to do rubiks instead of her learning goal. Now, that was FUNNY. XD) I was very, VERY tempted to try rubiks too but.. being the pathetic person I am... Can't even understand a thing when you explained... So I decided against it. Coz you were too pro!!! And funny how Qiong Hui calls you 'mouse' XD Fellow D. gray-man fan, please enlighten me! Cheers~
And so ends my post.
I think most of you guys will complain about what I write... But OH WELL. If you've read, do drop me a tag =)
Cheers! I'm gonna... Can't believe I'm saying this... But... I'm gonna gonna REALLY REALLY miss you guys... All of you!!! T-T sigh...
My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!
Jobichi~san whacked you at 10:00:00 PM
Well...
To those who even read my old post? Congratulations.
To those who didn't, don't.
I'm outta here~~~
I think.
SP! PPP! Over!!! Finally! Sigh.
The past few months have been trying times... I questioned myself again. Lots of questions, lots unanswered. New ones, old ones, puzzling ones, painful ones... It's the maze. All over again, but a new one. Unlike the old maze.. I know the way. But the question is... Which way do I choose?
The path that I chose to walk so long ago... I have doubts. Very big doubts. But there's no way I can turn back now... I chose to ignore my true calling. It is only now that I realise this was wrong. But what can I do now? As my will to move on wavers, the steps I take become every so heavy. What should I do now?
Stupid, stupid me...
At the very least... Through the past few months, I met many people, learnt many things, built new relationships, strengthened old ones... However hard it will be, at least I have those. The people around me... without them, I doubt I could have gone so far. Even if the path I now walk is the wrong one... At least......
At least, I'm more honest with myself now.
But... Can I still move on?
End of post! XD
My WoRlD rEvOlVeS rOuNd and RoUnD mY LiFe sTorY... My DreAmS and HoPeS, mY reNeWeD sTreNgtH... And My NEW LoVe!
Jobichi~san whacked you at 11:48:00 PM
